


Love Hurts

by mazeshankmerthur



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 22:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1915914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazeshankmerthur/pseuds/mazeshankmerthur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin tells Arthur about his feelings towards the prince but Merlin, emotional and scared, runs away after he tells him. Arthur, speechless and lost, left to be alone. He wasn't able to tell Merlin about his true feelings for him is confused. Will feelings and truth be revealed or will everything fall apart entirely and crash ?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pain and Truth

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first chapter of Love hurts and I hope you guys like it!  
> here is Pain and Truth, chapter one

I love you!

 

These three words that weren't supposed to be said with Merlin knowing that Arthur could never feel the same about him,were said out of frustration towards the prince. Merlin was scared of how Arthur will react to him saying how he felt about him that he started running out of the prince's chambers. But was grabbed by his arm by Arthur, stopping him from leaving bowed his head down, not wanting to look at him with fear of crying. After a few seconds, Arthur let go of Merlin's arm and grabbed his chin making him look at the prince with fresh tears rolling down his face and looking terrified. 

 

Arthur frown wondering why his manservant was crying lifted his hand slowly moving towards Merlin's face wiping away his tears. The prince gave him a small smile which only made Merlin cry more with pain and fear in his eyes. Arthur moved his hand away from Merlin's face onto Merlin's shoulders gently trying not to frightening him. The prince's frown turn into a small sad smile looking at his manservant with worry trying to think of something to have Merlin stop crying. 

 

Merlin stepped away from Arthur not looking at him embarrassed knowing the prince knew how he felt about him. Arthur looked at him lost and confused with what was going on reaching out to his manservant trying to not have him leave but Merlin backed more away. He shook his head crying more than ever with trails of tears falling down his face feeling heartbroken. Merlin ran out of Arthur's chamber fast as he could not letting Arthur say a word or get him to stay any longer in the room. He left the prince in a confused and hurt haze not knowing what just happened but feeling like he should have done something for Merlin to stay and tell him the truth about his feelings for him. But it was too late...


	2. Getting Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 2, hope yall enjoy!

Merlin ran as fast as he could through the castle, pushing and moving past people, not wanting to stop. He felt like he was choking and needing air to fill his lungs, instead of the choked up sobs that were repeatedly coming out, making it hard to breathe. The tears has yet to stop, still running down his face, coming more freely now that he was nowhere near the prince, making him blind to where he was going. To anyone who saw him, could clearly see he was a wreck, but didn't question it much, since he was only a servant and it wasn't their business to interfere.

 

Merlin kept running, his legs started to ache and his eyes started to burn from all the hot tears running down his face, but didn't care, knowing he had to get out of the castle and away from everyone. But to his dismay, he was coming up to having no strength to go on and to exhaustion if he kept on like, this pushing himself past his limit. Why Merlin said 'I love you' to Arthur, he really had no idea, already knowing that the feeling wouldn't be returned and would be chaos if the king found out. The face Arthur had made when the truth was told to him made Merlin's heart ache and had more tears falling, because he knew he couldn't go back to Arthur without having his heart broken.

 

He wished he just kept his mouth shut and pushed his feelings away, but of course he couldn't, what with Arthur being too kind and caring too much for him when he was only supposed to be his servant. Merlin knew that even with the prince being kind and caring, it couldn't possibly mean that he could have feelings for him too, but he was so caught up in the moment that he was clearly not thinking straight. He was being foolish and giving himself and his heart hope that Arthur and himself could be....could be more than just a prince and manservant but maybe become entwined together as two lovers like a man and woman.

 

But that could never happen, not when Arthur was a prince and him a simple manservant living under the rule of Uther. He would not let Arthur get banished or killed by Uther because of his silly feelings when he knows that Arthur has to become king for he is the once and future king. Even if it hurts him, he knows it’s his destiny to make sure that the prince does and needing to push his love for Arthur away. But how does he hide his feelings for Arthur when every time Merlin sees him, he grins like a lunatic and like a lovesick teenage girl. It only gets worse when he has to actually touch the prince to help him dress or even a simple touch of fingertips when he’s handing him things.

 

He doesn’t know what he will do but one thing he does know, is that he has to get out of the castle and far away from everyone who can see that he is not well. Merlin can’t have anyone know his feelings for the prince when it will only cause chaos and will somehow get back to Arthur. No, the right thing to do is get away and think everything through to see what he can do to hid his love for the prince and act like his normal clumsy idiotic self. Merlin can see that he’s only a few feet away from the castle’s entrance to the villages into the forest that lead to Ealdor. 

 

Merlin is only hoping that he will go un notice and that no one will notice how wreck he is and stop him. He doesn’t know if he could handle stopping to answer any questions in the state he’s in. By now the tears has dried up and he’s in short breath from the running but he knows he can’t stop for fear that he would break down into all new tears again.All the villages know who he is so it wouldn’t take long for Arthur to get news that his manservant is in a bad state. Merlin won’t let that happen, for it will be the worst to have to go back to Arthur especially now when he knows about his feelings.

He will continue running if that is the case because he won’t go back, not now and not while he’s like this. Merlin runs more, with the energy he has left, ready to finally get away and break down with no one worrying or asking him questions. But he feels that something is making him want to stop and lie down. He feels like his head is spinning uncontrollably and that the things around him are spinning with him. Merlin can feel that he is wobbling side to side and that he can’t see the path ahead of him. But he hears his name in the distant, someone calling him but he can’t figure who it is. Merlin can barely manage to see brown curly hair and dark skin but when he tries to see clearly, he feels himself falling slowly with the world around him still spinning and him with it. Merlin hears shouting and loud footsteps coming towards him, a girl maybe, sounding worried and frighten but before he can know who it is, the world becomes dark and blurry until he can’t see nothing but black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed chapter 2, am currently working on chapter 3 right now and probably will take a while to post but I make sure to do the best I can and post it soon! thank you all for reading my fanfic and feel free to comment!


	3. Problems with Secrets

Merlin woke up with a bit of a headache and pain in the side of his body, like he just smashed into something hard and rough. He couldn't remember what happened, all Merlin remembered was running away from Arthur and deciding that he could never come back to Camelot.

 

Merlin with a slip of hope, thought that maybe he actually gotten out of Camelot and into the forest of Ascetir therefore just fallen asleep on the ground. But then Merlin moved, a little bit to his right to get more comfortable, to feel something silky soft, instead of hard rough ground underneath him that he expected.

 

Merlin started panicking, wondering where he ended up, hoping with all his might that Arthur or any of the knights didn't find him and bring him back inside of the castle. He started to look around, looking to see where Merlin was and wondering if he could escape before anyone possibly came to see him.

 

Merlin saw a bright light, a little distance away from him, possibly a candle or lamp of some sort, but he couldn't really see much of anything clearly for his eyesight is out of line. In the room, Merlin saw stuff scattered everywhere, or it seemed like it with all the shapes and colours he could see around the room. 

 

He briefly wondered if he could be in one of the chambers in the castle. But that would be impossible since whoever had brought him here wouldn't take him to an extra chamber in the castle, but to Gaius's Chambers.

 

'CRAP!' Merlin thought, as he tried to get up quickly, but fell back on to the bed when his side started to hurt from the pain. What was he going to do now?! If Gaius came back, he'd ask questions and then what would he do?! Merlin tried to figure out a way to get up without hurting himself more, but everything he thought of tired him out and it ended up making the ache hurt even more.

 

'I'm never going to be able to escape if I can't even get off this bed' Merlin thought, getting annoyed with himself at the fact that he keeps tripping over his own two feet.

 

He doesn't know how long it will be until someone comes in to check and question him, but Merlin knows that he doesn't want to face anyone and have to answer any questions. But what's he going to do if his side keeps giving him pain and keeps him from being able to get up from the bed? How's Merlin going to run away and hide? And how is he going to avoid the questions being asked to him when he knows he knows he can’t lie worth his life?

 

Merlin, with questions in his head, but unable to answer them, starts panicking to the point where he's shaking so violently he's unable to stop. He starts shaking so badly that he doesn't feel the hand on his shoulder gently trying to stop the shaking and get Merlin to look at them. The person, whoever it is starts calling his name. It sounds like a girl, soft and gentle with worried blended in her voice telling him to wake up…..

 

'Wait, wake up?'

 

Merlin slowly noticed that everything was dark inside the room, but when he opened his eyes, he could see a bright light and someone next to him. He turned his head around to look above him and could see Gwen looking at him worryingly and trying to talk to him.

 

Merlin suddenly sits up quickly after seeing its Gwen but causing excruciating pain to his side from the sudden movement he made. Gwen, seeing that Merlin was in pain, put a gentle hand on his chest pushing him back to lie down gently. Then leading him down back to the bed, moving her hand to his back. He wince from the pain still going through him from his side all the way to his body causing him more pain. Merlin felt another hand on his side different from gwen’s hand touching where the pain is at and murmuring something under their breath. 

He looked up from where he was on the bed to find Gaius checking him and looking at him occasionally to see if he’s hurting. Merlin lets out a loud sigh wondering if they knew what was going on with him just from the state he was in. He didn’t know what he will do now with Gaius and Gwen both there knowing them both well, won’t leave him expect for him to rest. Merlin looked away from Gaius to the ceiling wishing he could just escape all this trouble and run away but knew he couldn’t….not yet.

He felt a movement on the left side of the bed, someone possibly gwen, looking at him but he couldn’t look back with fear that she could look in his eyes and know that something's wrong. “Merlin”, Gwen says slowly and gently not wanting to scare him but worried about her best friend.

“Merlin”, she tries again lifting her hand to rest it on his shoulder to get his attention but he wouldn’t look at her, just kept looking at the ceiling with a sad and painful look on his face.

Gwen looked at her best friend with sadness and slip her hand away from him, putting it in her lap and bowing her head down. Merlin turn his head to her looking at Gwen and seeing the worry in her shoulders and the sadness on her face. He lifts a hand up to his friend’s face, pushing a piece of hair to the back of her ear, smiling at her even if it was such a little smile. Gwen looked at him with a smile, but not quite reaching her eyes, still full of sadness and grabbed Merlin’s hand intertwining it into hers.

“You don’t need to worry about me, you know I can handle anything. I am the prince’s manservant aren’t i?  Merlin said, smiling at her causing her to giggle and turn away with a smile that this time did reach her eyes. He gently took his hand away from hers, looking at gaius with an apologetic smile, knowing that his tutor knew what was going on but didn’t say anything.

“What’s the damage gaius”? will i still be able to do all the chores Arthur gets me to do? he said smiling even if he knew the situation wasn’t the least bit funny, but had to put on a charade knowing that Gaius and Gwen are both worried about him. 

“Well you hurt yourself badly with that fall you had, luckily you didn’t break anything boy” ,Merlin could see that gaius is giving him his disapproving look with the eyebrow being higher than usual. 

“Arthur not going to like this is he? he will complain and whine about not having his manservant there and he calls me useless”, he laughs it off but making the room awkward and tense with unanswered questions that both wanted to ask.

Merlin stops laughing and sigh knowing that he can’t escape the questions so he glances at both, seeing their faces full of questions and worried and sighs again knowing what he has to do.

“So what happened?” he ask even if he already knows but wanting to talk about it even when it will cause him pain to talk when he remembers why.

“Oh merlin, i was scared to death when i saw that you fell with such a great force. I thought surely you would be serious injury!” Merlin could tell that he scared Gwen with that fall but knew he couldn’t tell them why it happened.

“Oh Gwen it was just lack of sleep, you know Arthur has me doing chores and running me around like the idiot he thinks i am.” he said trying to smile and not sure if lying will work with these two. Gwen looked at him disbelieving and strangely knowing that Merlin wasn’t being truthful with her. Merlin knew this and tried to shake it off like nothing when knowing that even if he could fool Gwen, Gaius knew him better. 

“That wasn’t from lack of sleep Merlin and you know it, something happened to cause you to be in the state you are in”. he could hear the worry tangle in her voice, knowing that she was worried beyond about him.

“My boy, you’re a terrible liar” Merlin can see from the corner of his eyes that Gaius was giving him that look of ‘you can’t lie to me’.But couldn’t tell the truth knowing that he will disapprove of what happened no matter what he says to make it seem not so bad. 

He looks away from both of them and started shaking his head thinking about the mess he put himself in. “i’m fine really, maybe it was just food poisoning or something but it isn’t nothing to worry about i promise”.

“Merlin….” he cuts her off putting his hand on her shoulder squeezing it softly reassuring his friend that everything is really ok. 

Gwen sighs “Merlin, are you ok? Do you want me to stay and look after you?”

“No no no, really gwen i’m fine, it was just a nasty fall but i’m alright promise. I have gaius here if needed but i’m ok.” Merlin smiles at her and gives her a hug 

“Thank you for bringing me here and am lucky you found me.”

better than arthur finding me and having to face him, he thought while still smiling at gwen making sure she thinks he’s fine. “Ok but i will come in the morning to check on you and make sure you’re alright, you hear?”

“Yes mother”, Merlin said smiling at her and giving her another quick hug before she left closing the door behind her.

Merlin sighs with relief, thankful that he got gwen to believe him and not having her here worrying. he looked to gaius, seeing that he has gotten up from the bed to his table full of potions and books, putting everything in place where it should be.

Merlin looks away being afraid of getting caught looking when he knows he looks guilty. Gaius stopped putting things up and turn around looking at him tiredly. “It wasn’t right to lie to gwen like that, she’s your friend, you know you could have trusted her.”

“Yes i know that but it isn’t about trust Gaius, it’s something greater that does not need to be told even to gwen” he says looking at gaius hoping he would understand without having to explain.

Gaius looks at him sighing “Merlin…..whatever happened you know you can talk to me, right? Merlin can tell that gaius is hurt but he can’t tell gaius what happened with arthur not now when it’s still painful to think about 

“Yes” he says quietly looking away from gaius not wanting him to see that he’s lying to him. 

“Get some sleep my boy “ he says blowing out the candle that was beside merlin’s bedside and seeing his shadow walking to the door and leaving merlin to his thoughts.

Merlin doesn’t know how he put himself in this place, lying to the ones that he cares most about to hide such a secret that was forbidden and probably hanged for. he didn’t know if he could live a life lying to the ones who been by his side since the beginning and who care for him deeply. But he knows that his love for Arthur could not be known no matter how much it hurt him to lie.

Merlin slowly turns on his side that was injured and thought of the possibilities that he could take in not having to face Gaius or Gwen or Arthur and having to lie in their face. He thought of running away but that could cause damage to himself with his side being hurt or maybe he could find a spell that makes him invisible. But the spell could go wrong in many ways, it could just make parts of him invisible or could make him disappear completely. 

Merlin sighs out of frustration, the situation with Arthur and the situation he put himself with Gaius and gwen. His only way is to escape, leaving camelot and not returning ever if he could help it.

He slowly sits up making sure not to put any pressure on his other side of his body. He gets up ever so slowly, wincing a little when his body resist and starts going back down. Merlin pushed himself up again and try getting to his feet without making much noise. He looks around his room but couldn’t see completely with it being dark and only seeing the shadows of his stuff. 

“forbearnan”, he cast making a ball of fire appear in his hands, lighting the room up with shades of orange and red. Merlin looked around his room once again looking for something he could use to climb out the window. He saw a bundle of rope on his chair over in the corner of his room and quickly grabbed it. Merlin checked to see if it was long enough to let himself down the wall of the castle.

He walked over to his window, seeing the sky that it’s beginning to be dawn already and opening the window quickly vanishing the ball of fire. Merlin threw some rope out the window until the end of the rope hit the ground. He grabbed the other end tying it to the leg of his bed and making sure it will hold.

Merlin grabbed his bag that he uses when Arthur and the knights go on hunting trips or to go on a hunting party. He runs quietly but quickly to the window, making sure not to make a sound. Merlin swings one leg out, making sure not to cause any pain to the side of his body that is injury. He slowly swings his other leg out hanging onto the rope letting his himself hang onto the rope. 

Merlin slowly climbs down the rope, making sure to not let go and misplacing his footing when he’s climbing the wall. After a couple of minutes, he’s at the end of the rope, slowly jumping off of it onto the ground with such a relief of making it down the rope. Merlin runs off as quickly as he could but quietly making sure he doesn’t make any noise for the patrol not to notice him. He runs with the energy of knowing that he will finally be away from camelot and especially from Arthur.

Merlin get outside the gates, stopping when he sees some of the patrol walking towards his way. He hides among the crates and waits for the guards to pass him and running quietly but quickly as he could from his hiding place to the entrance of the forest of Asceti. But stop when Merlin sees a figure of someone waiting against one of the trees.

Merlin starts to panic, thinking that one of the guards saw him and followed him, but that's impossible when he saw all of them walk pass him. He walks silently to the figure, ready to use his magic if needed and hides among the trees and shadows. Merlin gets closer to the figure. hoping it’s someone that he could just walk past without being question. He moves to where the person is, planning on just walking past but stopped when the person turn their head and was looking straight at him. Merlin stopped not able to run away or at the least move, froze to his spot when Merlin noticed who it was. “Arthur….?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took long to post, a lot of things has caused me to not post but everything is calmer now. So i'm hoping i can post regularly now. I hope you guys liked this chapter and the rest that will come along soon :)


	4. Feelings and Truth untold

“Arthur….?” Merlin, not believing that Arthur is right here standing outside the forest like he’s waiting for someone...waiting….

Maybe he was waiting on...no no no not possible not when Arthur knows about Merlin’s feelings for him and the look on his face when he left the prince. But maybe just maybe...no no Merlin not going to go there not when he’s so close to leaving Camelot. He will just….

“Merlin…?” Arthur calls his name in a whisper that Merlin is surprise he is able to hear but doesn’t say anything. He's not able to from the shock of it all and that Arthur is actually in front of him. 

“Merlin….” Arthur calls him again and sees that he's moving a little bit close to Merlin trying to reach out to move. Merlin quickly moves away slightly, looking away from Arthur, not wanting to see him. He can hear Arthur sigh but doesn’t hear anything else expect the wind blowing softly in the air around them.

Merlin slowly turns around facing Arthur ,with his head down, knowing that he will have to face him to be able to leave. Arthur looks up, seeing that Merlin is looking at him, and gives him a small sad smile.

“Merlin….i…”,Merlin interrupts him stopping him from saying anything more. 

“Arthur, what are you doing here?” the prince surprise and off guard with the question but knowing that he has to explain himself before anything else is said. “i couldn’t let you go do something idiotic and stupid possibly like what you doing right now”.

“I don’t have time to hear you usual rant about the many stupid things i do ok?”

Merlin frustrated and annoyed that Arthur is being a bigger phat than usual at a moment like this. “What do you care about what i do anyways, it's not like you actually care so back off and go back to your chambers before anyone notice you’re gone.”

He begins walking away finish talking to Arthur knowing that it's useless after everything that happened today. Merlin knows that maybe it’s unfair talking to the prince like this. But he’s done caring about Arthur or anything involving him, destiny or not.

He gets some distant from Arthur but Merlin can hear that he’s being followed. But that only makes him walk faster wanting to get far away from the prince and Camelot. Suddenly he gets grab by the wrist and pulled towards a nearby tree and hold him there. Merlin sees Arthur in front of him holding him against the tree not letting him go. He tries to push the prince off but its no luck with Arthur being bigger than he is and not having much strength to do so. Merlin can see the other boy looking at him worriedly but also can see that he’s frustrated too.

He quits trying to fight Arthur off of him and leans his head against the tree. Merlin looked up to the sky, tiredly wondering how he will get out of this, knowing that Arthur stubborn and won’t let him go easily. He sighs and looks at Arthur again hoping that the prince will see that Merlin doesn’t want to fight with him. But to get out and be left alone to flee away. Arthur looked at him with eyes that are full of sadness but tiredness. His eyes a bit of grey instead of the crystal blue Merlin usually sees.

He can feel Arthur’s body from where he’s holding him, warm and strong, but soft as not to hurt him. The prince’s heartbeat against Merlin’s body beating faster than normal. His breath again his face too close for Merlin to even know what is happening and too comfortable to move away from. He can hear the vibrations through his own body as Arthur begins to speak slowly. The other boy asking if Merlin is ok. But he’s not able to listen, not with Arthur so close to him and this feeling too right for him to be able to reply back to him. 

He feels a hand on his cheek, slowing rubbing it as to soothe him but to Merlin it only frustrates him more. He moves away from the touch, too intimate for him to handle and looks at Arthur with anger that he didn’t think he could manage. “Don’t Arthur, let me go now and go back. You have no business doing this, let me go and i’ll be on my way out of here please” the anger that he had slowly vanished and replace with trying to urge Arthur to let him go. The other boy slowly pushes away but not enough for Merlin to move away. Still close to him as if Arthur wants to be close to as possible.

“I’m not going nowhere and not going to let you leave until we get some things clears up”, Arthur looks at him with his eyebrows squinted together in frustration. Merlin getting more angry and frustrated with the royal phat, pushes Arthur away leaving the prince and himself some distance between them. 

“Get things clear up?." “What ‘things’ do we need to clear up Arthur, tell me? Because you made things pretty clear back in your room when i told you i love you."

"Don't think that you can come here and try to be the hero and make things better. I have loved you since i came to Camelot even when you were being a royal phat. But never told you because i knew the feelings weren’t going to be returned. "But no you arse had to be all charming and freaking perfect and RUIN IT ALL! So don’t tell me that we need to clear things up because i have nothing to tell you expect goodbye.”

He sees that there’s some distant for him to walk away so he does and doesn’t see Arthur’s face with hurt and regret. Merlin gets some feet far from the other boy still angry that Arthur thinks that he can make the situation right. So he doesn’t hear Arthur running to him trying to catch up. The other boy gets as close to Merlin to grab his wrist again, turning him around and kisses him. He tense up against Arthur trying to make sense of what’s going on but not able to stop the kiss. 

Merlin lets Arthur continue kissing him still too shocked to move away or anything. But as soon as the boy stops and moves away, Merlin blinks and puts one of his hand against his lips. Arthur, a few inches from him, stares at Merlin like what he just did would make things better between them. He slowly stops touching his lips, still a little dizzy from the kiss and everything that has happen, begins getting angry. Merlin look at Arthur with hate and disbelief.

*He marches up to Arthur, getting close to him to where both of their noses were touching. Then Merlin unexpected slaps the prince hard. Arthur tumbles away a little from the force of the slap and raises his hand to his face, shocked. When the anger left Merlin, he gasp at what he has just done and saw that Arthur was in pain because of him. He couldn’t believe that he actually hurt the prince when he was suppose to keep him from harm. But with his anger that harm now included him along with the rest.

Merlin steps away from Arthur, with tears forming at the corner of his eyes. He wanted to wipe away what just happened with his magic. But Merlin knew he couldn’t with the other boy being just a few feet from him. Arthur could see that Merlin is farther away from him then he was a minute ago. He saw the regret in Merlin’s eyes as single tears were running down his face. The prince stops holding his hand against his face that hurt and starts slowly walking to Merlin. 

“Merlin, it’s ok”, he watches as Merlin shakes his head, making more tears run down his face. The tears being in a constant stream now and his lover turns around not facing him. 

The prince begins walking faster, trying to get to Merlin as soon as possible and stop him from crying. But as soon as the prince gets to him, Merlin starts running away from Arthur. He can see that Merlin is struggling to keep running, his body shaking from the crying. Merlin’s legs weak, not able to get very far from his body being tired. So the next thing Merlin knows, he’s face down on the floor. Arthur rushes to him quickly and in seconds, he’s next to Merlin trying to to see if he’s ok. 

But as soon as he puts a hand on Merlin’s shoulders to turn him around, Merlin moves away and rolls over far away from Arthur. Merlin, crying and dirty from the ground, slowly starts rolling up into a ball. The prince could see that Merlin’s body were tense and shaking from the crying that he was doing. But wasn’t able to move closer to the other boy to comfort him, afraid of scaring him. 

They stay on the ground, Arthur staring at Merlin, the pain on his face forgotten, with sadness. His lover sitting a distance away still crying not able to stop. The prince doesn’t know what to do next, not able to handle feelings well. He knows if he gets close, Merlin will move away from him or if he tries to comfort him, he will scoot away from his touch. After a few seconds, he could hear Merlin stop crying. His lover had his head on his knees with his head still down and his body vibrating with hiccups. 

Arthur, thinking that this will be his only chance to get close to Merlin without him noticing, gets up from where he’s sitting and walks very slowly. He gets to Merlin in a matter of seconds but instead of touching Merlin, he slowly sits next to him making sure none of his body is touching Merlin. Arthur could see in the corner of his eye that the other boy has lift his head from his knees and is looking at him with regret and misery. 

The prince doesn’t move or try to get closer to Merlin, just sits there letting him calm down a bit. He gives himself some time to think of what he’s going to do when the other boy is calm enough to talk again. He takes a second to look at Merlin, not facing him but looking in the corner of his eye at Merlin. Arthur could see him red faced and eyes blotchy from the crying, staring down at the wet spots on his knees from the tears that soak through his trousers. But also could see that Merlin is turning his head to look at the prince.

Minutes past, with both of them looking at each other with looks that neither of them could figure out. But both continue to look as if concentrating on each other will help the situation out. Merlin is the first to break the silence, slowly moving to stand up but not taking his eyes off of Arthur. He moves towards the forest without saying a word. Arthur quickly stands up too following Merlin deeper into the forest both not saying a word.

The prince, with his head down in deep thought of what to say when they did stop, didn’t notice Merlin stopped and bumped into him. He whispered a sorry but didn’t get a reply back from his lover, who either didn’t hear it or was ignoring him completely. Arthur sighs loudly and rubs the tiredness of his eyes but stop when he heard Merlin speak. 

“This is where we go our separate ways”, Arthur blinks and stares at his lover, not believing what he is saying. Merlin, not taking notice of the prince surprise look continues talking.

“ I’m sorry for everything that I have cause you, I never wanted to cause you harm but my anger took the better of me and I didn’t handle you kissing me well, sire.” Merlin looked at him like he would if they were in front of other people and had to talk properly to him. Addressing him as sire instead of phat or other names Merlin calls him.

“Merlin you idiot, you are not going anywhere, i told you this. Why the heck are you acting like this? This is not the time for a joke, you just cried your eyes back there and now all of a sudden you want to act like none of this happened? Wanna walk away from it? I don’t think so, not when this can be fix please Merlin don’t.”

Merlin frowns and shakes his head, laughing at something that Arthur has no idea of what it would be. 

“You really think that this can be fix, just as easy with the snap of your fingers?” Merlin said with a raise of his eyebrow.

“No, that's not what i meant…” ,the prince said trying to figure out how to explain to his lover. 

“Really, tell me dollophead, what did you mean? because what i heard was that you think this can be fix just like that. No issues at all, are you really that stupid to think that?” Merlin begins laughing, the kind of laugh that sends shivers up his spine and makes his blood run cold.

“And you call me the idiot, if you could hear yourself now you would see who the idiot” ,Merlin stopped talking when he saw that Arthur was getting angry. The prince’s face getting a red shade and his hands turning into fist. He backed away slowly, beginning to get scared but not wanting to show it. So Merlin stopped and stood where he was at, not looking the bit of what he was actually feeling.

“You think that you can give the orders here Merlin? Do you think you can say what is going to happened between us and give the finally say? DO YOU?!” Arthur, while talking moved closer to Merlin to where they are touching nose to nose. Each glaring at each other, not tearing their eyes away. 

“Do you think that what I feel doesn’t matter and that only what you feel does? That because I may not have said anything back when you told me that you love me, that's the end of it? Did I get a chance to say anything Merlin before you ran away, out my door, without even a glance back or even a word? TELL ME MERLIN IF IT’S FAIR TELL ME!”

Arthur by this point was yelling in Merlin face, tired of trying to be reasonable, trying to be the calm one and get worked up. But by now he wants his lover to hear him even if it involves yelling at him. Merlin still glaring at Arthur, hasn’t moved or even blink taking all that Arthur has said and trying to see where this is going to end. Arthur, seeing that he’s not going to get an answer stepped away from Merlin. The prince yanked at his hair in frustration, not knowing what it will take to get Merlin to understand.

“I didn’t get a chance to say anything….Merlin i saw you crying, probably thinking that I would be disgusted or send you away. But that wasn’t even close to what i wanted to tell you at all. It hurt me to think that you actually think so little of me even after everything. You should know me by now Merlin just like i know you. But right now, I don’t even know because you sending me away without even knowing nothing.”

I can tell you that if you walk away now like this, you will regret it and I know you will Merlin. You were brave enough to tell me your feelings now it’s time for me to tell you”. Arthur steps close to Merlin, grabbing his hands intertwining them together. He looked at Merlin with such earnest and truth that Merlin couldn’t help but look to him as he was talking.

“Merlin, my idiot manservant, the one who was a fool to stand up to me when you first arrived at Camelot but brave. The one who saved my life when the old hag wanted to kill me and had my father award you with being my manservant. You, Merlin, always been the one who stood by me and never left me even through all the hard times. Which I thank you because without you i’m nothing but an arrogant phat….” 

‘’and royal arse’’, Merlin said with a small smile on his face.

‘’Yes that too…

‘’and a condescending pompous dollop…”, Merlin added with a huge grin.

‘’Ok Merlin i get it but that's beside the point, what i’m saying is without you, i wouldn’t be the great prince I am today and for that Merlin….I-I…….I love you.” Arthur let out softly,looking at Merlin for a reaction.

“W-What?” ,Merlin shocked and not believing what the prince just said, stared at him thinking that this couldn’t be happening. 

“I, Arthur Pendragon, love you, Merlin” ,he says again in case the other boy didn’t hear him. 

“You’re mocking me, aren’t you? like the prince of Camelot could actually love a simple manservant like me? Merlin said unsure and not believing a word.

“Yes you idiot i do love you, did you bump your head when you fell and lost your hearing? Do I need to check your head?”, Arthur moves to grab his head and check to see if there’s any scars or bumps in Merlin's head. But Merlin pushes him off, laughing and shaking his head at Arthur.

“You are such a phat but....you love me?” Merlin says, with all serious now that he can maybe believe it’s true

“Yes, you idiot i do, a lot actually” ,Arthur looks at Merlin, this time with the love that he can see the prince has for him. Merlin smiles and rushed up to Arthur, hugging him to see if maybe he’s dreaming. But when Arthur hugs him back, Merlin knows he’s not and this is reality.

“Merlin?” ,Arthur says quietly into his head, not wanting to scare Merlin away so soon.

“Stay with me tonight?, The prince asked him and Merlin, not knowing what Arthur meant, stopped hugging him.

Merlin moved away to be able to face him and see his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean stay with me, in my chamber tonight. We don’t have to do anything, just lie there together. I just want to be close to you tonight if you want to.”

Arthur looked at Merlin with hope in his eyes and love that Merlin couldn’t resist but smile up to him and say….


End file.
